Friday, March 14, 2008

Who am I? Really, who am I... ???

Who am I really? How do I measure myself? Can I even be measured?

Interesting approach on how to find myself includes: measuring the fruits of my labor, in other words, my successes (and failures). Again, there is the what I do for a living, how I dress myself, what kind of food I eat (as in the common phrase, "You are what you eat.") Since I am a Vegetarian, would that make me a Vegetable? And if so, what type of Vegetable? Which again brings me back to square one : Who am I really?

I am still trying to find out...And my quest begins, not today. No. It began 10 years ago. Of course, I get side-tracked easily. I also allowed myself to over-commit to too many unnecessary tasks, jobs and things that make me lose focus of my quest from 10 years ago. Of course, the world of entertainment did not help either from DVDs and VCDs to Comic-books to Internet to Pubs and Nightclubs and the list goes on and on...

So as of June 4th 2006, I commit myself again to this quest to find out who I really am. Of course, I could not allowed myself to get side-tracked again. So I made a few vows to Heaven that I would (1) stop drinking anything with alcohol in it, (2) become a Vegetarian, (3) stay true, loyal and faithful to my Wife (in other words, no more nightclubs and/or fooling around with other women), (4) discussed everything with my family, only and only when we have reached an agreement, do execute any of my plans, that includes what business I am going to get involve in. Of course, the operations of it and decisions, there-after does not need any further discussions.

Today, I dare not say that I have made much progress. "I", essentially still eludes me??!!

Time and time again, I allowed myself to get side-tracked. Of course, I have stayed true to the 4 vows as best as I could (as I have broken (1) and (2) and (4), between one to three times in the last 2 years and it is with great determination and even greater disciplin that I stayed true to (3). Sure, there are always temptations but I realized that my Wife is the most beautiful woman in the world because of who she is and the great things she had done for me and my family, it is with great honor and great pride that I can say that my Wife is my one and only true Love), I have eliminated a lot of problems. However, I still allowed PS2 games, Instant Messaging such as MSN Chat and Skype to distract me. So again, I have to create rules and regulations to keep me from my Quest to find out who I really am.

1. 2 hours/day for PS2 Game
2. 3 hours/day for Physical Training, Meditating, Chanting and Reading (to be allocated accordingly)
3. 6 hours/day for my Job (To be done in the office and at home)
4. 4 hours/day for spending time with my family and friends (to be allocated accordingly)
5. 1 hour/day to send my son to school and also to have lunch.
that is 16 hours/day, which leaves 7 hours for sleeping and 1 hour for meals.

1. Finish 5 games/year
2. Maintain 80kg to 83kg weight-range, 30 inch waist-line,etc, able to meditate for 30 mins, chant 30 mins in the morning daily and chant 30 mins in the evening daily, Read 50 books/year.
3. Use free time to read books to reach the goal of 50 books/year.
4. Use free time for my Job and read books.
5. To commit to this really takes a lot of effort.

Other activities I would like to start doing:
1. Cook a family dinner, if possible, make extra for friends or relatives. I find that over the past 10 years of my life, cooking has always been a pleasure of mine. It is true that I tend to rush a bit in my cooking but the times when I really put my heart into it, the results were spectacular!!! I have been praised many times for the times I really put my heart into it (even when times when I rushed it, heh-heh.)

2. Try to make more friends, if possible, 3 to 4 new friends per month as a start. This is to help me understand myself more and to learn more from others.

3. Have a family picnic by the Beach. (Any beach would do at this point, as I am not even sure which one is better than the other??!!)

I am really hoping to learn more about myself as I do these activities, while keeping true to my Vows and Rules and Regulations, which from now onwards, I call my Life's Principles.

Semper Fi.

No comments: