It is time to focus on what's important...

For friends and family who know me, I'm generally not a big spender. And the last 2 years, I spent even less money per month. As I have mentioned in my previous posts, I have become a vegetarian, abstain from drinking (or eating) anything with alcohol and also pubs or nightclubs. And in some rare occasions, that I do visit a pub, I would normally order a cup of coffee or green tea. Hence, my expenses have been dramatically reduced by at least 85%.

I also control my spendings in buying books, often taking my time to decide whether to make a purchase and usually would only purchase after the 2nd or 3rd visit to the book-store. True, the books are for my own self-improvement and allows me to learn more from the mistakes and experiences of others but, the most important factor in my making the purchase is whether I have the time to actually start reading and finishing the books. I already have over 800 books in my own library, and I am proud to say that I have actually finished almost 400 books already.

The reason for all this control of expenses is that I worry about providing for my family, costs of living is getting expensive: oil prices going up, price of rice going up, price of soya beans going up, price of vegetables going up... the price of everything is going up!

I shudder at the thought about our future. So, I must plant my seeds of content and happiness every day and nurture it to allow me to live a life that does not waste nor does not encourage me to compare with others. The "materialistic symbolism of wealth and success" is flawed as the perception is based solely on greed and pride (more on this later).

Therefore, it is time to focus on what's important!

It is definitely time to put on my Helmet, Armor, Arm-guards, Shin-Guards and Shield again. Sharpen my Swords. Charge into the battlefield. It is only in the course of battles fought and to be fought that a person can truly improve. To know that careful planning and execution involves the proper use of one's resources, the precision of timing, the importance of winning without fighting as well as cutting loses, strategic withdrawals and live to fight another day, and to be victorious in one hundred battles for one hundred battles, is to respect, acknowledge, understand and adapt to the "subtle" changes in our daily life. Such "subtle" changes are often detectable by being calm and observant. Yet, to many it is elusive and invisible. Often, these people are blinded by their pride, ignorance, laziness, greed and hatred.

This year, I have to come to terms with who I am, what I am and what I have achieved and what I can further achieve - Strive for a breakthrough beyond the level of mediocre, to be better than what I am now, to mature into a wise, humble and virtuous person! So that I do not disappoint in my role as a husband, father, son and brother in the land that I was born.

Therefore, it is time to focus on what's important!

I must make a daily effort to subdue my feelings of envious and not search for unnecessary materialistic needs or wants, nullify my anger so I can remain calm and observant as well as listen to my True Voice of own heart and that of my Teachers, Masters and Heaven, have strong moral-restraints over my lifestyle and persevere from procrastination or being lazy by consciously forcing myself to do what is right and what I have committed or promised, so all these becomes a part of me, a part of my lifestyle; it becomes who I am and what I stand for - to become a wise, humble and virtuous person, to strive for a breakthrough beyond the level of mediocre, to be better than what I am now.

Who am I? Really, who am I... ???

Who am I really? How do I measure myself? Can I even be measured?

Interesting approach on how to find myself includes: measuring the fruits of my labor, in other words, my successes (and failures). Again, there is the what I do for a living, how I dress myself, what kind of food I eat (as in the common phrase, "You are what you eat.") Since I am a Vegetarian, would that make me a Vegetable? And if so, what type of Vegetable? Which again brings me back to square one : Who am I really?

I am still trying to find out...And my quest begins, not today. No. It began 10 years ago. Of course, I get side-tracked easily. I also allowed myself to over-commit to too many unnecessary tasks, jobs and things that make me lose focus of my quest from 10 years ago. Of course, the world of entertainment did not help either from DVDs and VCDs to Comic-books to Internet to Pubs and Nightclubs and the list goes on and on...

So as of June 4th 2006, I commit myself again to this quest to find out who I really am. Of course, I could not allowed myself to get side-tracked again. So I made a few vows to Heaven that I would (1) stop drinking anything with alcohol in it, (2) become a Vegetarian, (3) stay true, loyal and faithful to my Wife (in other words, no more nightclubs and/or fooling around with other women), (4) discussed everything with my family, only and only when we have reached an agreement, do execute any of my plans, that includes what business I am going to get involve in. Of course, the operations of it and decisions, there-after does not need any further discussions.

Today, I dare not say that I have made much progress. "I", essentially still eludes me??!!

Time and time again, I allowed myself to get side-tracked. Of course, I have stayed true to the 4 vows as best as I could (as I have broken (1) and (2) and (4), between one to three times in the last 2 years and it is with great determination and even greater disciplin that I stayed true to (3). Sure, there are always temptations but I realized that my Wife is the most beautiful woman in the world because of who she is and the great things she had done for me and my family, it is with great honor and great pride that I can say that my Wife is my one and only true Love), I have eliminated a lot of problems. However, I still allowed PS2 games, Instant Messaging such as MSN Chat and Skype to distract me. So again, I have to create rules and regulations to keep me from my Quest to find out who I really am.

1. 2 hours/day for PS2 Game
2. 3 hours/day for Physical Training, Meditating, Chanting and Reading (to be allocated accordingly)
3. 6 hours/day for my Job (To be done in the office and at home)
4. 4 hours/day for spending time with my family and friends (to be allocated accordingly)
5. 1 hour/day to send my son to school and also to have lunch.
that is 16 hours/day, which leaves 7 hours for sleeping and 1 hour for meals.

Goal:
1. Finish 5 games/year
2. Maintain 80kg to 83kg weight-range, 30 inch waist-line,etc, able to meditate for 30 mins, chant 30 mins in the morning daily and chant 30 mins in the evening daily, Read 50 books/year.
3. Use free time to read books to reach the goal of 50 books/year.
4. Use free time for my Job and read books.
5. To commit to this really takes a lot of effort.

Other activities I would like to start doing:
1. Cook a family dinner, if possible, make extra for friends or relatives. I find that over the past 10 years of my life, cooking has always been a pleasure of mine. It is true that I tend to rush a bit in my cooking but the times when I really put my heart into it, the results were spectacular!!! I have been praised many times for the times I really put my heart into it (even when times when I rushed it, heh-heh.)

2. Try to make more friends, if possible, 3 to 4 new friends per month as a start. This is to help me understand myself more and to learn more from others.

3. Have a family picnic by the Beach. (Any beach would do at this point, as I am not even sure which one is better than the other??!!)

I am really hoping to learn more about myself as I do these activities, while keeping true to my Vows and Rules and Regulations, which from now onwards, I call my Life's Principles.

Semper Fi.

A reflection .....

I have been taking a lot of time to reflect and consider my options in life.

1. True Leadership.

I found that the mark of a true leader is not about winning or losing. It is having a compassionate heart and a determination to do what's right and the wisdom to know what not to do at any given time. Life can be a War. In that respect, there are some battles that should not be fought. It is always wise to choose my battles and who I support in battles, otherwise, I may not be able to shoulder the consequences. I must never engage in a battle that I cannot win or have no confidence in winning (Read Sun Tzu: The Art of War. The battle is won before it is ever fought). Life can be brutal, that's true. Life can be unpredictable. And Life can be the best teacher I know, if I allow it. In that respect, it has taught me that if I want to be a good student, I must first empty my cup of coffee. Otherwise, I am not going to be able to taste the "new coffee flavour of the month". In other words, another mark of a true leader is humility.

To learn to listen until the next person has finished is a sign of humility. To take time to analyze what is being said is a sign of respect for others. After that, to accept or reject what is being said is a sign of decisiveness. In other words, to empty my cup first so the new coffee flavour of the month can be poured into my cup. To take time to savour the aroma and taste, and finally to either appreciate it or politely refuse another cup.


2. True Fatherhood

I found that the mark of a true father is about being there when my son needs me, to protect him, to teach him what's right from wrong, to show him how to do things properly and also to be his best buddy for life. Once I know these, it is even more important to make time to spend with him, to be a person of high moral standards and stong ethics so I can be the best role model for him, also make sure I spend time researching the questions he asked so I can properly explain to him and that I have to make sure he knows that my doors are always open to him, no matter what time of the day. All these and more. It is truly a learning experience! One that I intend to excel in.

Think about it. Please feel free to comment.

It is how I respond to it....

One reason why I started this blog was to allow my family and friends to keep up to date with my current-events. I also wanted to use it to re-discover myself and use it as a medium for me to share some of my ideas, world-views and even photos, so I don't have to constantly repeat myself to the various groups of friends and relatives such as cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.

It is how I respond to it...

Nowadays, I rarely drink anything alcoholic, not even beer and I don’t smoke. I go to the gym to improve my health and fitness. My aim is to get to my ideal weight, built a lean, mascular and fit body. I have taken less rice and noodles, refrain from oily foods and sweetened-drinks. As a result, I normally eat at home and when I go out with friends, I normally order Fruit Juice w/out sugar or Plain Black Coffee w/out the sugar and milk.

Why do I do this???

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
- Carol Burnett

I am now in my early 30's and my Wife has already start to say that I have a physical body of 50 year man. Even my Doctor agrees after the results from my blood-test indicates multiple over-the-hill (more like mountains)readings. To add to the list of my sins, I never bother to change. Sure there were that occasional good deeds but the change did not come from my heart. It was not until early last year, when I was climbing up 2 flights of stairs and my chest hurts, my heart-rate was so fast and furious (not to be confused with the movie, but it was just as dangerous)...that's when I decide that I really need to do something about it.

Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.
- Lou Holtz

When I go out, no matter it is with friends or clients/customers, I seldom order any thing to eat, just either orange juice without sugar or ice-coffee without sugar or milk. They would ask why am I not eating or even tempt me with their food. True, given my history, I would definitely give in. But now, I realized that by simply saying "No, Thanks" or "I have to eat with my family", they let me be. It is how I respond to it. In addition, I refrain from private drinking-parties and again, they would tempt me or say "Scare of your wife?", in which I say, "Yes, I am scare of her losing me." and they let me be. It is how I respond to it.

Because I love my family and I don't want my Wife to lose her husband to stroke, diabetes, heart-attacks or liver-diseases or cancer. I don't want my Son to lose his father to stroke, diabetes, heart-attacks or liver-diseases or cancer. I don't want my Mom to lose her son, like she did her husband to Liver Cancer. And I do not want to lose them as well. All the people I love are going to lose me unless I do something about it.

Injuries.....of the present and that of the past...

I injured both my wrists and left ankle because I was overloading during my Gym Workouts.

It happened more than 2 weeks ago and since then, I have been taking it easy with light weight only. But on Monday, it was hurting more and more. So I decided to go visit the Chinese Traditional Doctor who after 3 mins of treatment for each wrist, (which by the way was bending my wrists and twisting it with a low but audible poping sound) told me that I had partial dislocated joints and was biting into the nerves and tissue (is that even possible??) but as it was getting more and more inflammed on Monday, I guess there would be some truth in what he was saying (more of this later).
As for my ankle, I had slight pull in my tendons which will take 1 week to heal provided I sit down most of the time and not walk/run much, if at all. And my thoughts ran back to my younger days...

The past...

I know that injuries come with the terriotory but I had not expect it to be this bad. The last time I had this bad was from my street-fights back in Toronto, Canada, back in the mid 90s.

As I was in my early 20s, I still thought that I was invincible and allowing my hormones to dictate what my actions as opposed to logic and rationale. I studied Shito-ryu Karate back when I was a teenager and then studied Wing-Chun Fists from my friend (more on this later). After 7 years of training, you would have thought I have gain enough maturity but it only serves to put me in extreme situations.

In any case, I was arrogant and foolhardy. Reckless and Hot-headed. I also often drink at pubs and odd places in the neighbourhood, often with my buddies. It was not until sometime in mid-90s that I picked a fight with someone who looked at me the wrong way where my right hand was practically dislocated by someone whom I thought was a push-over. I also suffered 2 punishing blows to my solar-plexus which literally took the wind out of me. Almost lost consciousness.

What shocked/stunned me the most was that I did not exactly know how I was defeated. All I remembered was I slided in left at a 45 degrees angle, which was his blind-spot and launched a right back-fist to the right temple of his head (tai-yang xue) but my blow struck nothing but air. Before I knew what happened my right hand (no longer was holding a fist) emitted a bone cracking sound, followed by immense pain. Next thing I felt was 2 blows to my solar-plexus, forcing me back at least 5 steps before stopping and falling on my back. (He had let go of my right hand and must have struck me with that same hand).

I then realized the meaning of the words often warning me of my arrogance from my Sensei and my friend. "Yi San Gen You Yi San Gao" or "There is always someone better than you."

He helped me back and without saying a word just left me barely standing outside the back of the Pub Restaurant. I admitted that it was my fault for picking the fight and thinking I was invincible and all that. After my visit to the Chinese Traditional Doctor, I was told that whoever that person was who did this had held back or my hand would have been paralyzed for life. And the blows to my solar-plexus missed the nerve-points located there but my back-bone was not so lucky as they have to be popped back in place, but with no permanent injuries.

After that I met up with the guy again, but this time on friendly terms. I want to treat him to a round of beer which he refrained saying that coffee would do. I found out a few things about him. Apparently he was trained in the Shaolin Temple in China since he was 7 years of age. And he had only immigrated to Toronto, Canada about 6 months ago. He was 25 years old then. He studied Eagle-Claw Hands, Arhat Fists and some internal breathing systems and some weaponaries. Then it was not a shame (at least on my part) to lose to someone who has been training all his life. After that we hardly meet up anymore... I guess he is the loner type who tries to blend into the surrounding rather than wanting to be focus of attention.

Funny, why this memory came up...

I realized that many of the advises that my Mentors and Coaches (including my Sensei and the friend who taught me Wing Chun Fists mentioned) is true and comes with experiences which I have yet to understand. Over the years, I have my fair share of challenges and obstacles in life and these reminders seem to float up to the surface of my mind and helped me through the challenges and obstacles, by not falling into the traps of discouragements, disillusions and mostly, it kept me striving to be better than what I am (or was). It has helped me in building up my business and also staying focused in my Life's Principles (more of that later).
Through this experience really showed me that there is still a lot I have yet to know and humbled me down. After that particular incident, I am less inclined to pick a fight...although I still love Martial Arts.

Back to the present...
Of the last 2 years, I have hardly spoke much about Wing Chun Fists or Karate or anything similar to this. I guess, I know in my heart, that for someone who have not been praticing at all for the past 5 years, should not really discussed too much...

Those who knew me in Canada, today, often mentioned that I have changed a lot, for the better. I am more calm and relaxed, less inclined to show-off, more patient and humble. On the negative side, put on more weight (yes, became fat) and just last week, developed a strong craving for Mango Cheesecake. Right now, I am a 7-day resting day which I joked to my Wife it is my sabbatical from the Gym.

Those who knew me in 2000, today says that I have changed a lot as well, for the better. I have achieved much business sense and acumen, in other words to be calm and decisive in matters during negotiations and deal-making, more frugal in my spending habits, able to develop better business and marketing plans, less theory, more plans of actions with experience and sound rationale to back it up and knowing when to cut my losses and walk away. On the negative side, I have to learn to make time for my family and spend quality time with them, make it a point to come home for dinners at least 5 times a week, spend at least 2 hours a day with my Son, and basically just to be at home after 8pm every night. That is what I intend to make it so but often managed to accomplish about half of that only.

Only in May of last year, did I start to go back to the Gym for some physical training. I have been injury-free until 2 weeks ago. I guess, I just have to be more careful.